R E S O L U T I O N S

Last year I wrote... 
I promise myself, 2013 will full of Win-win solutions... Best Agreement... Negotiations... and Achievements... that will make me really happy as a woman, mom and the citizen of universe...

For I finally see that happiness is in Me, all I need is look  in and take it out.. I will start by understanding my need and describing how I want to fulfill them.. Then I will continue by drawing the shapes of my own happiness and color them with rainbow... That's how I plan to paint my life...

And also since life is so full of ups and downs, I urge myself to decide how I want to handle the sadness and sorrow in my life.. As I switch the impact of all pain I feel, from the one that hurts me to the one that change me... Cause the wound that couldn't kill me, will definitely make me grow stronger if I allow it to heal completely...

I will stop playing as an object, who will need other to kiss away my sadness and sorrow... It is time to stop being the passenger of my own life vessel... I will learn to be the subject who has the authority to navigate the  way and decide the direction to go... Although I can't always be the driver...

At this new beginning, I make myself another promise :

I will never again waiting for the storm to pass, because in 2011 and 2012,  the life let me learned an important lesson about dancing in the rain till the sun shine again.. The brand new day will always come with the new rainbow of life and better tomorrow does exist if we try hard enough...


In less than 6 hours 2013 will end in my timezone. I don't really have more resolution to make, maybe sticking on what I had last year by doing an honest evaluation will establish a totally brand new days in my tomorrow. Perhaps, I want to add something that I wrote in one of my latest blog.
“I just wanna stay in love with the woman in me…”

So, I would do anything to make her happy. Especially in keeping the sparkling fireworks in my heartbeats flamed in any ways it takes. Even if sometime I have to go completely nuts and act totally crazy in doing so.

Finally I believe, before I can love others I need to be sure that I have already been planting enough love for the life inside me, unconditionally. So, I can keep my promise to love the life with full intensity, as I dedicate my life to live with full capacity.

Let’s continue to have a regular journey to the inner part of our being and find the true love inside, get it out and be ready to plant the seed of love that will make us blossom eternally, every where we go.

Wishing you all happiness and the best out of the coming year...
With all the love, laugh, light, peace and harmony that we deserve..

Bunch of Love,

Stay in Love with The Woman in Me...

A single Mom who often call herself nerdy and geeky - because she is a science and physics teacher - ask me on yesterday chat, when we discuss about falling in love... 

"How do you keep the love alive in your marriage...?" 

My marriage has been going through many storms,  and still on the way to survive this last blast. The only thing that hold us together is the belief that we are growing to be a better person everyday.   

We believe that the happy family is the only place where everyone should grow to be the best of themselves. Although honestly we don't know for sure where we are heading yet, the hope for better tomorrow allow us to keep the faith that  we are on the right track by now. 

So I could only say to this special friend...

"I just try to stay in love with the woman in me. So I would do anything to make her happy, include by keeping the sparkling fireworks in my heartbeats flamed in any ways it takes. Even if sometime I have to go nuts and act crazy...


The discussion with that smart teacher remind me of beautiful quotes by Ma Jaya Sati Bhagavati, "When you plant a seed of Love it is you that blossom..."  

I love this quotes.  I believe, before we can love others we need to be sure that we have already been planting enough love for the life inside us, unconditionally... 

So, let's have a great journey to the inner part of our being and find the true love inside, get it out and be ready to plant the seed of love that will make us blossom eternally, every where we go...


 


Bunch of Love,

ArifaH

REUNION...

If you have friends from your childhood and somehow you still save time to spend with them online or offline. You will feel, so very blessed...

Because this will be a friendship of the souls. It is even thicker than the blood...

Look at the warmth of the smiles, the genuine happiness shown by the expression in the eyes, and the bond that shown from body languages. All are the the radiance of TRUE LOVE...



Yup, life has put me on roller coaster ride. One day I was on my way down, and another day I'm going up. Meeting up with these bunch has bring the light back into my dark nights.



Gathering with my elementary school friends and teachers is really a heart lifter. Especially when we were there helped organizing the event that made everybody smile and laugh happily.



Nothing could be more precious than bring goodness to other people life. The universe will always appreciate all the kindness and happiness shared, and return those to our lives in the most surprising way.



Allow me to share our smiles and laughter, because they come along with The True Love. Teachers and Friends, they are also my family. The bond we have is really thicker than blood.




From Indonesia,
with a bunch of Love...


ArifaH

A Dam of Thoughts and Feelings

This is a night for a nice conversation with friends. Sitting in a cozy cafe, with a gentle music play by a pianist or guitarist who's absorbed by his /her music.

The little clock in my laptop says, it is only 35 minutes after midnight.
Am I feeling blue...??? Do I miss someone...???

I just feel like having a dam of thoughts and feelings inside me that need a way to flow. I'm about to burst without knowing exactly which thought has made me feel this way.

I know, the way out, the strength, the courage, the resilience, the hope and the dream, even the faith are always there with me along every ups and downs in my life.

But I guess, this is just the night, I really want to hear someone tell me...

"Go sleep little one,
do not be worry...!!
I got your back covered,
This one shall pass too..."


Heaven Helps,
Hopefully...

Flying Above The Storm

We've been better, we've been worse. At some points we climb our highest dream, another time we roll over our deepest nightmare. Most of the time we work on our ability to re-balance. So we can always dance beautifully and glide gracefully to a better tomorrow.

Another day sitting with bunch of people from different background with one purpose, better Heart Condition. Including Hubby's. The doctor has told me that after his first attack on December 2010, there's a chance he got Congestive Heart Failure which has been acting up this year. 

I always want sparkling fireworks in my heartbeats so I can really feel ALIVE. Yet these people would feel ALIVE if only their hearts can beat normally, they might say I fail to feel grateful.

Only today I believe, being ALIVE is about living at the most, with whatever life provide. We need to make the life worth living without easily settling in the situation that we don't feel right about.

I will Never.. Never.. Never quit thinking and moving towards a better life in the small world where I live.. For I'm the eagle, my destiny is to fly the bluest sky, right above the storm, towards the infinite light..

L O V E ...

....And as my broken heart lies bleeding  / You say true love it's suicide  / You say you've cried a thousand rivers / And now you're swimming for the shore  / You left me drowning in my tears /And you won't save me anymore...
Bon Jovi said,
true love is suicide, 
yet it is never a sin...

Kahlil Gibran said,
love is always enough for LOVE, 
but we tend to complicate it 
with sense of belonging...

For the love is always ours,
to hold and to give,
unconditionally...

At this very age I believe,
we no longer choose
who or what or when or where to love
LOVE shall choose for us...

All we should do is learning
HOW to LOVE,
with full intensity
in all capacity...

Then Love will keep us ALIVE...

Will You Dance with Me...???

I thought time has let the river run die, 
stole everything from us, 
as the sparks gone away...

Yet beyond believe,
It still hurts me much to see you're hurting...

So kiss me,
like I've never been kissed,
we shall turn the flame back on
in no time...

Will you dance with me...???
Like the sea rush to shore,
for the waves never know how to stop...

Till the end of time,
for eternity...

Options and Perspectives in Life...

I just wake up this morning, when I read a friend wrote a sweet reply on my blog...

"The thing  that amazes me most about you is...in your country where there is so much heartache....you still find beauty in everyone and everything..." 

One of the thing I love about blogging, my blogs always give me good reason to smile and write more... So allow me to answer that reply in this blog... 

My dear friend, a heartache will only be a heartache, if our heart say so. And the thing about my world, I accept it as a dolphin who will never see the sticky wetness of salt water as a problem for his skin. In fact he can't survive without the sea water covering his skin. (I love Freewilly movie)

It is a matter of perspective. Perspective always plays an important role in human life as it is directly affecting the options of each choices people should make in life. If you're familiar with Asian custom, you might understand by seeing it through the yin and yang symbol. There's always a white dot in every black area, as there's always a black dot in every white area. While black and white (not as color) are relative depend on people perspective.  In that case why would we give our mind barriers with something that might cause a heartache. Don't you think it is better we start renewing our perspective in life.

I'm lucky to be connected in the net, which allow me to have a portal to access many souls on earth. So I can broaden my own horizon by looking through many kind of people and their perspectives about life. I start writing in English on  May 2011. Since then I started to speak with people all over the globe through the net.

That is how I learn about human true nature. I start to accept my own uniqueness as a default factory setting which exists in my small world for a reason, instead of going against it just because I can't follow the mainstream. Once I understand my own uniqueness, I start to find uniqueness in other people who lives around me and accept it as reality that I must face. Including in fixing my own marriage, so I can taste the rainbow of my brand new life.

Many kind of people in my world were busy talking about the true path to live the life. I was brainwashed since early age, that there's only one true way. Each claimed that their path is the truth. Yet, I survived the brainwashing situation that finally cause major heartache in my own being few years ago. I grew to be a better me, once I realized about the nature of the truth and adjust my own perspectives about life. Then I decided to set the quest to find my own truest truth as a way to acknowledge my existence track, this time based on the reality as my own body, mind, emotion, heart and soul sense. 

People say life begin at forty. Now I see the reason why, and happily accept I still have sometime before my life really begin. As I understand making my life worth living is about making more options and setting new perspectives to live at the most. So I will be able to love the life with full intensity as I live it with full capacity. 

Because heaven help those who help themselves.

Have a new reason to rebirth...

Happy Reborn...

Bunch of love,

ArifaH

Journey from Zero to Hero : Acknowledging My True Nature...

I was raised as a spoiled princess. My mom used to have at least two maids living in our house, to take care of her 3 children and the house, since I was a little girl until I became university student. Til her last day on earth she always hired someone to be our maid. She was only 43 years old when cancer took her life.

As the time went by and I had to face my own reality, I felt that being a spoiled girl will never bring me to the place I needed to be. It is necessary for me to learn about my own true nature, where my true strength naturally lies.

Reading some replies on my last post, I would love to say thank you for all the thoughts. That post is written subjectively based on the way I live my life. My ups and downs fill many colors in the way I see life now. The colors that may not touch other perspective in the same way.

As a religious person, we used to get a lecture about being patient and grateful to accept our reality as it is. I learn that many people stay in a life that might feel like a hell on earth with a hope to gain the heaven in the next journey. It happens just because they can't manage to create an effective communication bridge with whomever they share their very life. Many more think everything is under control just because the other party never complain about anything. I would say "Been There Done That...!". This condition of life actually goes against anyone true nature.

In my religion divorce is allowed. Yet when the storm hit my marriage, my choice was mending it. My struggle started with spending many months to learn about my own true nature and the religious value especially about marriage. And I found, God never wants any of us to go against our true nature. As human, we need to find the balance and harmony within our body, mind, heart and soul, in order to get in touch with our own true spirit and generate the unlimited connection with The Source. The Mighty Spirit that connected the whole universe. From the tiniest creature on earth as virus, up to the biggest star in space like VY Canis Majoris.

I believe when there are 7 billion people in the universe, there will be 7 billion ways to find that Mighty Spirit. Many call him God, manifest in dozens religions exist on earth. For those who learn and believe in religions, Is that mean they automatically learn the spirituality of God, which also manifest in all His creations..??? As a religious person, I'm taught once that I need to recognize my own true nature, only then I will found the divine spirit manifest in me. As also then I learn about other people true nature and the divine spirit manifest in them. By recognizing other true nature, I learn to understand them and eventually create the bridge to communicate effectively in better way.

Whomever created earth, choose women to nurture the next generation. Human life evolve through a mom's body. Not only the body, every mom must aware to nurture the mind, heart and soul of every newborn nesting in our body for more than 9 months. And after that we need to breastfeed them exclusively for at least 6 months. Until they learn how to walk and do every thing by themselves they are depending to their mom. The first thing every newborn learn from their moms is how to communicate. That's why our first language called our mother tongue. With that huge nurturing task, wouldn't it be very fair, if then the duty to bring food and money, also manage the house keeping lies on the shoulder of the newborn father..??

Women created with stronger feeling to sense their own heart and soul, while men are created with stronger logic to maintain the connection between their body and mind.The men need to make sure their women live in a good habitat to be happy and healthy enough to maintain the spirit connection within their heart and soul in harmony. So then Moms would be able to nurture the heart and soul of anyone living in her house, while Dads can help nurture the body and mind of their offspring. Moms and Dads should have been the best team on earth whose duty managing the balance on how to raise the children in harmony of their own true nature. So the children could really learn about their own true nature in early stage of life and notice their own harmony.

Yet life has gone too far from that harmony, human has gone too far from their own true nature. Men and Women tend to compete instead of working together, as people lost in gender equal bias. I didn't try to go against the women right to live as they choose. If the life, job and work load is not against their true nature, everything is fine.

I read books by Allan and Barbara Pease, called Why Men Don't Listen & Why Women Can't Read The Maps, and some more books with the same idea about how men and women are wired differently. I would say competition, target and velocity is more men things. I'm not saying women can't do this, but I believe it is not our true nature. We are not designed to go back and forth towards one destination daily in the morning and going back home at the end of the day. I would prefer to be a person who work from home and going to many direction when the necessity come.

I was a stay at home mom, from the very day my first daughter was born, until my fourth boy turn 2 years old. By the time my children no longer need my 100% presence, I transform myself to grow and become the person I ever wanted to be. Ever since I learn about my own true nature I grow even better. I love to learn, write and teach, I love to meet people. And yes, I make money, not much nor regularly. But everything I do, I do it out of love. And most of all I will never again go against my own true nature. As I will never again stop learning and growing to make my life truly worth living.

Maybe that is how a heaven on earth looks like for me...

Thank you for reading me. Allow me to say, everything is written subjectively based on my own experience that is why, I would love to read your feedback...



Bunch of love,

ArifaH

P.S : Allow me to share a recent capture of My First Experience being a Sales Girl for a frozen yogurt product, in last Saturday bazaar. From zero to hero, transforming a full time stay at home mom into a working from home Mompreneur...
Selling 60 items out of 66 items I brought, and having my one and only husband as Partner...
It felt AWESOME, because I did it out of LOVE...!!!

Heaven is A Place on Earth..

I'm learning my spirituality path, not as a spiritualist or religious person want to be, but as my true nature. I'm a human, more than that. I'm a mom, A wife yet I am also. A woman. Each of my duty has consequences. But each consequences need balance and harmony to be blended in me holistically. So I can perfectly accept the me I am, is the best life I can ever live with right now. 

I personally believe one of the basic reason why the world today is suffering, because we let our women suffered. Living in cruel world where they are ripped out from they're own true nature. Believing in feminism where women need to work twice as good as men just to be acknowledge as good (my mom was a doctor, i learn this fact from her, while at that time, MD still a male domination job). 

I fail to see it as feminism, it is more looks like a form of female masculinism, it might felt like an exorcism. Being ripped apart from our true nature to chase money. This suffered world succeed in making women think they need to spend loads of money just to be beautiful, while unfortunately beauty is never about what brand you wear or which beauty care you choose. And no money can really ever buy the true nature of fortune and beauty all women could give, such as love, compassion, empathy, generosity, dignity and integrity. 

In order to reverse that situation, I believe the world need all moms to stick together and learn to be an earth mother, She's the kind of woman who perfectly aware that acknowledging and accepting her own true nature is the only way to live. So that she would think that heaven should be a place on earth. Because In order to bring the heaven down to earth, She will need to find the heaven first within her, by loving the life she has inside.

The earth mom needs to live in a home sweet home, in Arabic we call it baity jannaty, which means my home my heaven. So if every home can feel like heaven for moms, what do you think will the dads and the children feel..? 
Yes...!!! Heaven on earth...!!! And the world will be a better place..

Yet, so many moms believe they have made a wrong choice, while she agree to marry the one she lives with (I was one of them). How would her home be a heaven for her, while she think she share it with the very man which make that home feels like hell. 

I would say, it is not about choice. There's no such a wrong choice when we already choose. It is meant to be. The failure lies on the way we manage to live with the consequences of all choices we made. 

We tend to let the balance go, we allow the harmony we should feel turns to riot, while actually all we have to do is finding more options to choose and manage all the consequences better. At home we definitely can't do all by ourselves. Yet, we often forget the best tools we have in order to get connected with the ones we love with,. I call them, negotiation, win-win solution and best agreement. And the key to use that tools call communication. I would never say it will be easy, but I believe it is worth a try...

"You may say I'm a dreamer, 
but I'm not the only one, 
I hope someday you will join us,
and the world will live as one..." 
~ JL

Let's grow together, and find our own true spirit, 
Let's reclaim our own feminine power as a happy woman...

Have a reason to rebirth,
Happy Reborn...

Bunch of Love,

ArifaH

How Would I...???

Let's just see how time tends to make me see, 
by then we will see all the complexions 
I ever have in my life were there for a reason

The reason that will broaden my understanding
about the life that I'm living, 
more specific about the single life 
that live inside of me
so I really see where I'm heading

All I can do now is accepting with brand new understanding
that it's better for me to swim and float with the tide 
not against it, nor fighting it
and this time I will do my best 
not to run from it

Just one huge question hanging in my thoughts...

Could I buy my soul back from the devils when I really don't know how..???
Especially when I feel too weak to fight alone and too tired to fly solo above the storm...


But I do believe Heaven is a place on earth, as well as the hell is, 
As I also believe that devils are part of our being, as well as the angels are...

Now I see... 

How being a devilish angel who happen to live on earth
without her wing can be so confusing 
for the woman in me...

Dear God,
Allow me to surrender
my fragile heart...

So I will feel the comfort
in The Wing of Your Love
sheltering my innermost soul...
Hopefully...

Note for A Wounded Soul

(Repost - thank you, for the very soul that has wrote me this..)

hush my heartthrob you stir to much in your sleep

clutching a pillow i have christened me

waking to a dryness in your throat

an emptiness in your heart

in search of a pain you have come to call comfort

hush my sweet heart

let your mind guide your heart

let your soul be your light

let your trust be your friend

a thousand ways i search to find the words

a million years i would sell to be yours

but life does not allow my feelings to touch your needs
and the distance does not allow the warmth of your touch

lighten the clouds around my heart

i tried to free my soul

i tried to seal my heart

i even lied to me

and probably to you as well

you see my mind understands reality
my heart understands dreams 

Bunch of Love,

Arifah H.

T E A R S

Sometime we just can't turn sadness into sweat anymore.. 
Sometime we just can't have enough energy to turn sorrow into rage.. 
Maybe at this kind of time all we need just some tears to shedand solitude to embracethe unexpected ..

As once I ever wrote :

When I Have Tears...

I just have to remember.. 
Tears is the best thing to wash my soul,
not here to hurt me, more to help me ease my pain...
Because...
The universe won't make me cry, unless there is an important lesson in life I need to learn,which worth those tears...
Heaven knows I am a fighter,pain will never stop me from doing what I must,and tears only come to soften my heart, not to weaken my inner strength...
I never doubt...One day when the time come,I will be glad telling the story,that once upon the time,I ever have those tears...

My Promises and Choices in Life...

I have promised to live my life with full capacity,
that's why I choose to dedicate this life
to love the life with full intensity...

So I will always try to make
the days I live in really worth living...

And this year I make new promises that 2013 will full of :
Win-win solutions...
Best Agreement...
Negotiations...
and Achievements...

That will make me really happy
as a woman, mom
and the citizen of universe...

Since life is so full of ups and downs, I urge myself to decide how I want to handle the sadness and sorrow in my life.. As I switch the impact of all pain I feel, from the one that hurts me to the one that change me to be better not bitter. Cause the wound that couldn't kill me, will definitely make me grow stronger, wiser and flexible if I allow it to heal completely...

I'm no longer waiting for the storm to pass, in the past few years the life let me learned an important lesson about dancing in the rain till the sun shine again.

As in the storm of my life,
I choose neither to be the boat nor storm...

I prefer to be the ocean
sometime with the pretty rainbow
beyond the horizon...

For the brand new day will always come
with the new rainbow of life
and better tomorrow does exist
if we try hard enough...

 

 

Can Life Really be Unfair...???

Today actually I wanted to talk about, 
how life can be so unfair…
How one can always live 
by sucking energy from others…

But on the second thoughts,
Couldn't it be just the way life shows fairness…
For those who were born with strength in their blood
They should live as though there should never be 
some days to feel tired or loosing grip of strength...

No matter how much the ship needs to dock, 
the storm of life keep dragging it out 
to the place where firm and solid ability 
for sailing above the water needed...

There's a reason why God always unite the strong with the weaker
It is always about allowing the weaker to learn of their strength 
But also it is about letting the strong to understand their weakness 
As both are equipped in every single one of us to embrace and accept…

Just like the sun which rises every morning needs time to set
Sometime one who were born to shine like the sun need time to rest
And learn to live as the moon which absorbs sunlight only to reflect it...

As human we can always feel tired 
It is completely normal...

And at the time like this, 
I wish to use what i have 
to get what i need...

No restraining nor regretting, 
Just to be me that I need to be
at this very moment in time...

Bunch of Love,

ArifaH

Friendship... for a reason, a season or a lifetime..???

I always say, Friendship is a lifetime contract for me. 

Some people do say, they see a long last friend in me. 

Yet I still lost some people who occupy major space in my heart.

That's just some moments in our life time, we can only make the best out of what we have by cherishing every people who come into our lives and leave a trace in our heart. No matter what come out in the end, my friendship with people all over the globe allow me to learn a lot more about life where I am living. 

Reading Deepak Chopra or Dr Seuss quotes about being universal piece of jigsaw puzzle and our truer existence. I found that we do need to climb a much higher trees to ascend in life. So we can see how our path can be so different, although we might share the same start together. But in the end as human, we might be directed to the same final destination, as we search the truest truth of our being.

Learning about the life journey, I must agree with Deepak Chopra and Dr. Seuss that no one could be any youer than you and we hold our own piece of puzzle to fit in this universal jigsaw. 

Although the friendship may only there for a season or a reason. The trace the friendships leave in my heart, will affect me for a lifetime. And I will make the best out of them by saving only the good moment we share.

Thank you for the friendship. Hope we can always be in touch for a lifetime...


Bunch of Love,

Rainbow

About Choices...

When People try to go against our choices in life, 
do not get them wrong,
They might actually be in a very insecure mode 
with their own choices in life...

Unfortunately instead of lifting other's hearts up 
they choose to bring them down, 
the choice that will never bring them 
anywhere near their own inner peace...

Yet, we always have a choice to take 
whatever they say to make us bitter or better...

Bunch of Love,
ArifaH

Dad, I've Missed You...

I felt so exhausted and had a terrible headache this afternoon, this made me felt so lost. I have slept enough, had a full body massage, a beauty care and read books. But something still so tensed inside of me. It's like I need more ways to get relax...

Or actually I just need time to really cry...?

I hadn't allowed myself having anytime to grieve, maybe that cause this problem. Well, yes... That because, I always knew what to do. I did took loads of deep breath, and made a lot of plans but guess what...???

I felt tired to be in control...

I need a real deep chat, where I can just loose control and easily cry. So I will have some quality time to grieve. The inner me needs it. But as soon as the first tears fell down my cheeks, something in me start stacking bricks that recovered me from my true feelings. I guess my mind should stop telling my heart what to feel and allow me to sense what I really feel...

Dear me, Please allow me to be just me...
Please let me feel this, whatever it is...
Maybe I should've just started by saying...

"Dad, I've missed You...!!!"

The Fragrance of Our Words

When we talk about other people,
actually we are describing more about us,
Not them...

The fragrance of our words,
actually speaks louder about the perfume we wear,
Not theirs...