The Wounds That Can't Kill You...

Like it or not... Talking with someone about some of our history could simply bring some old wounds back into our mind and emotion... I thought I had mine healed... Yet I still shed tears while I was listening to I'm with You - Avril Lavigne last night...

"Oh why is everything so confusing
Maybe I'm just out of my mind
Yea yea yea

It's a damn cold night
Trying to figure out this life
Won't you take me by the hand
Take me somewhere new
I don't know who you are
But I, I'm with you.."

It was something unavoidable, when we share life experience with people who happen to care about our life. And this could be a good healing therapy if only we would figure it out how...

It's just life... Sometimes we fall down and stumble,  other time we will surely rise up again and keep the life goes on. We just need to be aware of our invisible wounds. 

I know mostly we try so hard to avoid drama by covering the wound and burying it deeply in the darkest corner of our heart, so we can hardly feel it. Then no one will ever see our weakness, so we could just grow to forget it.

If only it can be that simple, especially when the people who cause the wound are those we keep dearly in our heart, or live so close in our life.  By time the wound will only get worse, more over when those who cause them are still living around us, without even having awareness they shed our tears when we do secretly hope they can be the reason of our smile...

Again it's just life... I often read this quotes... "Things that can't kill us will only make us grow stronger..."  They are good words to trust, but I would rather say... "The wound that can't kill us, will only make us grow stronger, when it's healed completely... "

Without healing, the strength that we gain could actually be a form of cave to hide, or wall that prevent any kind of pain to come around by put some distance from those who come too close to the convenience. This kind of strength can also form a numbness that work as painkiller...

Healing is a crucial part of learning about reality in life that sometime can be painful. We can not just hide the wound and take pain killer to forget it. In order to make the pain subside we need to look in and understand why. 

Once we can see the reason and understand why it should happen in our life, we would find a way to accept it. The acceptance will allow us to forgive the one who cause the pain. Then we will see the actions we need to take precaution order, so this kind of wound won't happen again.

In my case time has done its part in recovering me, but healing needs lots of better effort. It is mostly like fixing a broken heart, only this time I need the bravery to take the journey into me. Look in to my past and find the broken heart little girl who still there somewhere inside of me...

I need to heal her by making her see the wounds she's been through was there for a reason.  And those who cause it never knew the pain that took away her security of knowing she was loved unconditionally.  I need to embrace this little girl and love her along with the insecurity in her. I don't know exactly how to do it but I will find the way.  This time I will not surrender all to time...

I know this little piece of me had put me in so many doubts, as I am searching for true love. Sometimes I can feel and see love with clarity, other time it is like a virtual search which end up in fantasy...

Other mom can find this love in the eyes of their children, while it is not that easy for me. I could only guess that sometime the little girl in me might have the jealousy at the love I have for my own children. Moreover, sometimes I can feel very disturbed to be around them when I really need time to be with my own innermost being.

But knowing is only the gate to understanding, as accepting will be the next stage before taking any necessary actions. As the universe always send right people to be with me through all this, since the beginning of my life to the life I am in right now...

They come and go, make me full of smile and laughter. Sometime they teach me life lessons, another time just hurt me a little, as if life is trying to tell me pain is better than the numbness I often try to put around me...

It doesn't really matter how in some particular times we taste a failure in life, we may also just stumble and fall out from our path. The best thing of all would be the lesson we learn and how we struggle to stand up and move on...

As for me, I never ask for an easy ordinary life. For I know from the beginning of my life I was born to be extra ordinary. I can't walk my life in a crowd, I choose the rare path for my growth.  And the best thing I can ask for my life is a strength to carry on, clarity to see the light and tenderness of a warm heart to pull me up when life take me down...

So for those of You who are there, opening your heart for me. I can only thank God for sending you and let time play the magic in writing our story. As you have seen many sides of me. Yet willingly accept the me I am, who full of flaws, scars and insecurities... 

My vulnerable and fragile sides you have seen are the sign that I am a complete human. Now I learn that perfect life is about accepting the imperfections we face in our journey perfectly...

I wish, you would find something worth learning about life in me, as you start flowing your energy to me. I do appreciate all your effort to 'find' me. Friendship will always bring wonderful moments, hope it is everlasting for better or worse... 

I believe we met for something good...

Thanks for giving me the place to allow the honest me out. While Dreams and Expectation are against the Reality. All we have to hold on is Only Hope...

For the love that makes the heart singing...
For the smile that makes the days gleaming...
For the honesty that makes the soul shining...


Hopefully...


Bunch of Love,


ArifaH