Embracing My Fate

Another sleepless nights and full of floating days. As the scattered thoughts, flashing memories and scrambled feelings were gathering around me. They were still giving me the feeling of flying in the cloudy sky around the twilight horizon.

I could feel the darkness is eventually subsided. Yet, I still have the need to look for the crystal brightness rising up along this new beginning. As the sunshine shall touch my horizon with new awareness after another stormy night.

As always the universe bring me another jigsaw puzzle to solve about my life and the life of those who share forever with me. So the journey shall continue as the brand new voyage is starting.

Life never provides me with an easy path to walk on. Now, I am perfectly realize there are so many lessons I must learn along these rough and winding roads of living.

Breaking down walls, creating new trusts and perspectives, then building up brand new understandings, as I am moving on into a totally new acceptance towards life, seems to be my steady fate to cross.

Now I know for sure, nothing in my life are worth to be scared of. All the battles I must face are worth fighting for. Every fears and flaws in my being are there to embrace with dignity and integrity, as I dedicated the life in me to create a better tomorrow.

Then I can only feel grateful as I am truly blessed with love and kindness provide by the life around me. As Heaven always send me the best souls to share energy with me in this journey. Along with all those guardian angels that always make sure every day shall worth my smiles.

So Help Me God..




Bunch of Love,

ArifaH

Dancing in The Twilight Zone

“I say a little prayer for you  
Forever, and ever you'll stay in my heart and I will love you
Forever, and ever we never will part oh, how I love you
Together, forever, that's how it must be, to live without you
Would only mean heartbreak for me…”
~ OST My Best Friend Wedding

From the second I open my eyes to the minute I hear your voice each morning
I count thousands of seconds while my feelings shift almost every minutes

Since the day we talked about the taste of rainbow
to the moment our vibrations echoed the same frequency

I felt like dancing in the twilight zone…

Sometimes I saw myself standing on the twinkling spots
where I could dance in the gleaming colors of the life

Some other times I found myself fell into the darkness
where I heard nothing but the sound of my own heartbeats

Most of the time I just floated in an un explainable empty zone
where the time and space become my delusional enemy to fight

Yet this twilight zone has been painting my days with rainbow
and dancing in the gleaming colors of this rainbow
has been allowing me to feel my soul

So I can only wish these days will never end…

Bunch of Love,

ArifaH

A New Beginning...

Today is a New Beginning for the life in me...

Another Chapter to Write

in The Book of My Life...

May yesterday equipped me with everything I need
to make the best out of tomorrow...

May every day become the lesson I need
to cherish every moment as a present in life...

May the universe allow me
to live in full capacity
and grant me the ability
to love this life with full intensity...

May all the love, hopes, dreams and faith
become my loyal guide
and the everlasting energy
that I need to create a new life
where I can be fully ALIVE...

So Help Me God...

F R A G I L E

(This Fragility occur before I wrote The New Beginning, but this note was written some minutes after I saw a New Beginning... Admitting that fragility is an unavoidable part of  being human, might allow us to see our true strength...

Being strong is not only about to be unbreakable... It is also about build things up after everything in us is broken, scattered and torn apart... So I truly believe enjoying our fragility is one way to embrace our true strength...

That's how I saw My New Beginning...)


If blood will flow when flesh and steel are one
Drying in the color of the evening sun
Tomorrow's rain will wash the stains away
But something in our minds will always stay
Perhaps this final act was meant
To clinch a lifetime's argument
That nothing comes from violence and nothing ever could
For all those born beneath an angry star
Lest we forget how fragile we are
On and on the rain will fall
Like tears from a star
Like tears from a star
On and on the rain will say
How fragile we are
How fragile we are
~Sting – Fragile

My head tends to play the songs I need to hear, from time to time, since I was a teenager.

 

Just like yesterday, when I felt so fragile.  Suddenly out of nowhere I had the need to find the song ‘Fragile’ by Sting.  As I listened to the song for the first time and embraced the words, I felt less fragile.

The way Sting sang about how fragile we are, gave me the understanding that there’s always strength hidden in all fragility we face. The words explain how the life must go on in a profound perspective.  Those words and the melody were echoing in my heart, as if telling me to enjoy every pain and embrace all the fear I faced, so then I could wash them in tears from the star.

Simply Beautiful, yet the music played the lonely sound…

The song made me have the need to dare my own loneliness and turn it into a solitude. So I will not be afraid of being alone anymore.  As I began to dare my own rage so I will live in forgiveness. 

“It’s like somebody sent you a shot of strength.
No wonder you never get knocked down,
as if you have reserves of strength
throughout the universe...“

Indeed, it is a true blessing to have what my dear friend called an instant burst of comfort from the universe, after a day feeling so fragile in a floating mode.  

As I have always believed, if we do something in the name of kindness for the universe. 
The universe will smile at us and return that kindness in the most surprising way.  I wish what I have been writing can always vibe something good for the universe,
so my life can always be worth living till the day I shall take my last breath.


Bunch of Love,

ArifaH

Life is about Trick or Treat, Or.. Just about Dare and Duel..???

Sometime life trick and trap us in some inconvenient situation,

Another time life give us a nice treat of sweet and comfort zone...

Yet in some moment we need to pick up our courage to answer a Dare,
or pack our bag with bravery to walk in a Duel...

It's just Life...

Sometime we win, another time we loose...
And not a single thing or creature worth the blaming...

Yup...!!!

We live in a growing universe,
As I am a growing creature...

The space is expanding in scale,
So is my conscious being...

All I want to do is Living this life with full Capacity,
As I dedicate my soul to love the life with full Intensity...

So....

I see The Trick and Treat also The Dare and Duel,
As a challenge that will bring the best of me out... 

The Wounds That Can't Kill You...

Like it or not... Talking with someone about some of our history could simply bring some old wounds back into our mind and emotion... I thought I had mine healed... Yet I still shed tears while I was listening to I'm with You - Avril Lavigne last night...

"Oh why is everything so confusing
Maybe I'm just out of my mind
Yea yea yea

It's a damn cold night
Trying to figure out this life
Won't you take me by the hand
Take me somewhere new
I don't know who you are
But I, I'm with you.."

It was something unavoidable, when we share life experience with people who happen to care about our life. And this could be a good healing therapy if only we would figure it out how...

It's just life... Sometimes we fall down and stumble,  other time we will surely rise up again and keep the life goes on. We just need to be aware of our invisible wounds. 

I know mostly we try so hard to avoid drama by covering the wound and burying it deeply in the darkest corner of our heart, so we can hardly feel it. Then no one will ever see our weakness, so we could just grow to forget it.

If only it can be that simple, especially when the people who cause the wound are those we keep dearly in our heart, or live so close in our life.  By time the wound will only get worse, more over when those who cause them are still living around us, without even having awareness they shed our tears when we do secretly hope they can be the reason of our smile...

Again it's just life... I often read this quotes... "Things that can't kill us will only make us grow stronger..."  They are good words to trust, but I would rather say... "The wound that can't kill us, will only make us grow stronger, when it's healed completely... "

Without healing, the strength that we gain could actually be a form of cave to hide, or wall that prevent any kind of pain to come around by put some distance from those who come too close to the convenience. This kind of strength can also form a numbness that work as painkiller...

Healing is a crucial part of learning about reality in life that sometime can be painful. We can not just hide the wound and take pain killer to forget it. In order to make the pain subside we need to look in and understand why. 

Once we can see the reason and understand why it should happen in our life, we would find a way to accept it. The acceptance will allow us to forgive the one who cause the pain. Then we will see the actions we need to take precaution order, so this kind of wound won't happen again.

In my case time has done its part in recovering me, but healing needs lots of better effort. It is mostly like fixing a broken heart, only this time I need the bravery to take the journey into me. Look in to my past and find the broken heart little girl who still there somewhere inside of me...

I need to heal her by making her see the wounds she's been through was there for a reason.  And those who cause it never knew the pain that took away her security of knowing she was loved unconditionally.  I need to embrace this little girl and love her along with the insecurity in her. I don't know exactly how to do it but I will find the way.  This time I will not surrender all to time...

I know this little piece of me had put me in so many doubts, as I am searching for true love. Sometimes I can feel and see love with clarity, other time it is like a virtual search which end up in fantasy...

Other mom can find this love in the eyes of their children, while it is not that easy for me. I could only guess that sometime the little girl in me might have the jealousy at the love I have for my own children. Moreover, sometimes I can feel very disturbed to be around them when I really need time to be with my own innermost being.

But knowing is only the gate to understanding, as accepting will be the next stage before taking any necessary actions. As the universe always send right people to be with me through all this, since the beginning of my life to the life I am in right now...

They come and go, make me full of smile and laughter. Sometime they teach me life lessons, another time just hurt me a little, as if life is trying to tell me pain is better than the numbness I often try to put around me...

It doesn't really matter how in some particular times we taste a failure in life, we may also just stumble and fall out from our path. The best thing of all would be the lesson we learn and how we struggle to stand up and move on...

As for me, I never ask for an easy ordinary life. For I know from the beginning of my life I was born to be extra ordinary. I can't walk my life in a crowd, I choose the rare path for my growth.  And the best thing I can ask for my life is a strength to carry on, clarity to see the light and tenderness of a warm heart to pull me up when life take me down...

So for those of You who are there, opening your heart for me. I can only thank God for sending you and let time play the magic in writing our story. As you have seen many sides of me. Yet willingly accept the me I am, who full of flaws, scars and insecurities... 

My vulnerable and fragile sides you have seen are the sign that I am a complete human. Now I learn that perfect life is about accepting the imperfections we face in our journey perfectly...

I wish, you would find something worth learning about life in me, as you start flowing your energy to me. I do appreciate all your effort to 'find' me. Friendship will always bring wonderful moments, hope it is everlasting for better or worse... 

I believe we met for something good...

Thanks for giving me the place to allow the honest me out. While Dreams and Expectation are against the Reality. All we have to hold on is Only Hope...

For the love that makes the heart singing...
For the smile that makes the days gleaming...
For the honesty that makes the soul shining...


Hopefully...


Bunch of Love,


ArifaH

Today I Feel So Very TINY...

Have you ever seen your being, compere to the whole UNIVERSE...???
Today I saw some posts that make me think of this fact...

And I automatically told my children, this is Our Beloved Earth, look so tiny among The Sun, Jupiter and Saturn... I let them learn how this kind of picture is always mesmerizing me...The Sun does Looks So BIG here, on my children eyes...

But Wait... Is The Sun really that big...??? Unfortunately NO...

As a matter of fact, Our Sun is one of The Tiny Star in The Universe... So, thanks to Uncle Google... I manage to find one amazing picture about the mass and size of Earth compared with other bigger planets and The Sun... And also the mass and size of The Sun compared to other stars like Sirius, Pollux and VY Canis Majoris...

They studied this picture and downloaded it... I hope this is something they will never forget in their life... One important lesson about life... If we start to feel so big, we definitely need to remember how tiny we actually are... 

Also when thing in our life moves like roller coaster, even seems like turning upside down, we need to remember something bigger than Us is playing a complex Scenario in the universe. 

If this Power can make all the planets, stars and galaxies moves in order, so it will be a very tiny favor for this Power to allow all the scramble pieces of jigsaw in our life falling in all over again in better order. 

That is the next post I saw this afternoon, that makes me think, what are these about..??
As if the universe try to tell me something...

Not so long after I thought about feeling so tiny, I saw this post,
talk about the best medicine for Human is LOVE... 

Just remember the direction, Should be GIVEN not just TAKEN... 
And the condition should be UNCONDITIONALLY....

I hope these pictures I share today, can show you what I have just seen today... 
No matter how tiny we are in this universe... LOVE will Keep Us ALIVE... 

Bunch of Love,

ArifaH