If Only Those Words are Mine...

We'll put out to sea and we'll perfect our chemistry... And by we'll defy a little bit of gravity.. Afternoon delight, cocktails and moonlit nights... That dreamy look in your eye, give me a tropical contact high... Way down in Kokomo... 

~ Beach Boys

How I miss the way I feel when that music plays in my ears, creating the sensation of delight inside my head, and sparkling down to my heart.. 

But that was weeks before yesterday... Today should be another day off to balance the me inside... 

It has been quite a while since life stabbed me this deep, and got me so restless. Yet the universe never changed  at all, for each situation that claim my tears,  I still got more situation that would bring my smile back, in not much time...

Like this week when I have to deal with the unbearable sting of pain,  every time I saw your name on my screen, I ask the sky a questions like: 

- why I got shut out.. 

- why everyone else still got the attention but I got pushed away...

- was it so wrong to do what I did for the reason I had...

- why I should feel this empty space haunted inside of me over again... 

- etc

All those short of cheap questions has successfully made me lost balance, and felt so weak and fragile inside... 

But I'm very grateful, for people who stand by my side,  guarding my heart with the light they share. They provide me comfort and the healing mantram that could sooth the pain away from the darkest corner of my soul, that's been ruining my heart these days...

Now I feel a bit better... 

Still got some energy recharging and synchronizing phase, to cope with the new me, after the flame of rage burn me into ashes. And I will do all the Phoenix would always do, ReBorn and make things better... 

This days I heard some words coming from the songs you play from far away land. They are great words, and pumping spirits too. The words that will make me feel so good, if only those are mine... 

But I am surviving, just like how I've always been, and will do so, over and over again till my last breath.... 

Heaven helps... 

"I supposed that you'll be leaving... But I want you to know... Part of you stays with me even after you're gone.. Like an actor playing someone else's scene... This could not be happening to me... 

But you were there... And you were everything I'd never seen... You woke me up from this long and empty sleep... I was alone, I opened my eyes and you were there..."

~Southern Sons

#FixingaBrokenHeart